"The Talk" never happened. D'anne ended up having to cancell on us Sunday, and then had a meeting with her lawyer on Monday night. And she's already done enough for me, I'm not going to make her reschedule her life for me. Then last night she ended up out later than she planned at the insurance company and unfortunately she said the whole thing ended up being a total waste of time. I really hope things work out alright for her. She's still in a lot of pain and can't see correctly.  So tonight is the night. Genevieve's 5 month doctors appointment is this afternoon and her Uncle Jamie is taking us, so I'll just go home with him to D'anne's when we're done. Darren will just come there straight after work and we'll get to chatting.

I made notes and stuff yesterday because I know I'm going to turn into an incoherent emotional wreck trying to talk about stuff. I can't wait until my hormones stop going up and down so much, but they say it's at least six months after giving birth that things will START to return to normal. Plus I'm pms-ing right now too. Eek.

On the plus side, I finally found my 101 list in all of the mission 101 communities posts, since I didn't put a username tag on it. I made a copy of it in my journal and was surprised to see that I'd actually completed some stuff that was on the list. Plus it gave me a big reminder of some things I haven't been doing. And it's made me all motivated again, which is excellent. I know one of my items was to be more positive and get my anxiety under control, so I'm going to try and be more positive in my entries. Even if crappy stuff happens, I'm going to make myself end every entry on a positive note.

I'll do a full 101 update in the next few days. A woman I met online on Facebook, Ashley is coming over for coffee on Friday. There's a Leduc Baby Buy, Sell & Swap group on facebook and I bought a change table from her a couple of weeks ago. She's got a little boy and is pregnant with a girl.  It's nice, because my mom's group totally bit the dust. I went to two coffees, and then wasn't invited to any more. Oh well. I wonder sometimes if I'm that weird, or is it because I mentioned how I'm not planning on staying in Leduc forever. Man I miss BC, but that's a whole other thing.

Plus I'm hosting a meetup coffee for some new mom's that I've never met in a couple of weeks. There's a website called MEETUP and you can join groups and it's basically a way to get together with whatever group you join. I joined the Leduc mom's one. But there's tons of different groups like a Leduc Coffee for writers, and it's not just Leduc, it's a whole Canadian thing.

Wow, this is quite the entry. Sometimes I just get a'going. I should be showering because Gen's napping so here I go, get off my bum!!

Ciao for now...


 

Just a quick update...I currently am internet-less, but am picking up a wireless signal from a neighbor that is fairly strong. I ended up not paying the Shaw cable bill (which is our internet provider) in protest to the fact that our 320 dollar bill was that high because of 250 dollars worth of pay per view UFC fights and a few movies (which I don't mind) that Darren has bought. So they cut our cable and internet off last week. Darren's paying the rest of the bill today. I paid 100 dollars yesterday, which is how much it is every month. I'm on maternity leave. I make $720 a month. So he now knows if he wants to watch UFC fights, he better give me the fifty bucks they cost before it gets ordered, because I don't have that kind of money. And that's how we work things out, I pay the bills, he pays for everything else. Well his mom is still paying for lots since we're still playing catch up from him being off work for a month.

But other than that, I'll have a really nice update soon....this weekend is the final chance....Darren, his mother and I are sitting down to chat, and the outcome will be whether Darren's willing to make changes in his life to keep Genevieve and I in it. And if he's not, well then he and I are over unfortunately. I have a feeling Darren will throw out every excuse he has to keep from having the conversation. And when we do finally have it I'm worried about empty promises again. He will say anything to keep me here, he's promised so many times to go to counselling, and when I came back home from a separation over xmas and demanded we go, he told me he'd lied, he wasn't going to go. So that's my main worry is that he'll say whatever he has to but not follow through again.

I love the bastard, but I'm also worried there's been too much pain and hurt for me to ever get past. I'll always be on watch, and I don't want to be so cynical in my life.

Anyways, I should go, I have a million e-mails to respond to after not being online for a week! Wish me luck....